Interdimensional Job Interview

I've always found the brain in a jar theory quite appealing, albeit somewhat disturbing. The basic idea is that we cannot prove or disprove that we wouldn't be some kind of brain-like mass floating in a jar or a vat, while being fed reactive external stimuli that renders a world to us while we really exist in a higher metalevel. Basically it boils down into "reality is a simulation", for example ála Matrix in popular culture. I do believe reality is subjective regardless of whether such a meta-transition simulation exists or not. I might even argue that our own brains are our own recursive simulation, not just in its conventional definition. There are a number of psychological experiments that show that our own brains fill in gaps in our reality and extrapolate our senses, such as the phantom limb and patterns in chaos.

What has always bugged me though, is what could possibly be the purpose of such higher layer simulations? I think most implicitly assume that this higher metalevel reality obeys the same laws of physics, and even social structures, as our human society. Therefore, we usually imagine some human scientist cruelly experimenting on a sentient mass, in order to find out whatever phenomena they're studying. Really though, I think this assumption would be likely false - if reality really was or is a simulation, I think it's non-sense to assume it'd obey e.g. the same laws of physics as ours. Things could be pretty wacky out there.

However, let's assume for a second that this higher metalevel of reality does follow our rules and norms. It's an intriguing thought experiment to try think of "realistic" scenarios why this then would happen.

I fancy one such idea of my own, somewhat ambitiously dubbed Interdimensional Job Interview. Suppose we do live in this higher metalevel, and we do have some say in our interactions there-in. We're in the line applying for say, a government job on planet Splorg for our species Z'cthun. We signed consent that we subject ourselves to a though-process interview, simulating our actions on planet Earth under controlled environment in order to assess our suitability for the job. Stuff like psychologists might do these day for companies - psychological profiling, just more sophisticated. Or twisted. Whatever, too late to question now, we signed consent and an essential part of the profiling is that we cannot be aware of our own testing environment.

It'd be kinda funny to then be pulled the plug eventually, and have our report splurted on our face: "Sorry Zr. (gender-pronoun of my choosing for my supposed personality Futz'gn Z'cthun-Norg), it appears that you pose too great desire to develop delusional greater purposes where none lie, thus you could possibly endanger our institution should you work for us. I'll therefore have to let you go this time, but we'll stay in touch. Thanks for applying, please take a free pen on your way out." Wouldn't that just be lovely.

As for our currently potentially on-going simulation, the question is somewhat relevant to a potentially lower metalevel. We can play around with the idea in principle, and should, as it is relevant for us to question: what should we be simulating, just because we seem to be able to simulate our own species in vitro? Might we eventually become the monsters, under whose shadow some of us fear of living in?

Matkaeväät

Uuvuttavaksi käy askeltaa alla aatoksien varjoisia kuormia
Evääkseen kun on suotu vain raatelevia susia sysitummia
Minne tie tuo vie matkamiehen sellaisen vaelluskaipuineen
Kel taival jatkuu enää vuoksi seuransa lähikumppaneilleen?

Lähdit pois

Joulun ja uuden vuoden aika on monessa perheessä rankkaa. Tuntuu kovin polarisoivalta juhlalta - lisäksi kun itselle ja läheisille on käynyt tapahtumia lähiaikoina, mitkä ovat pistäneet miettimään elämää ja elämistä. Tässä siitä jotain pöytälaatikosta vuoden päätteeksi.

Lähdit pois

Viivana vaimeana kirkonkirjoissa
Tyhjyys tyynenä frontaalilohkossa
Jälkensä jäänteet hautakivessä
Kaiverrettuna kaipuu sydämessä

Jossittelun kaikki mahdolliset jälkiviisaat polut
Tavaan toistamiseen ympyrässä muistojen tomut

Liekkisi kun ei vain ole enää kytemässä täällä
Tuhkaantui pala minuakin ajattomuuden äärellä

Sanovat saapuneen satamaan
Jäähyväisensä jätti kotirantaan
Mielen ja materian maailmaan
Tietoisuuden taakatta tuskattomaan

Olin kanssasi matkakumppanina häviävän hetken
Tovin matkaa kai taitimme elon usvaisen retken

Todellisuuden veistäjän teokseen lopulta kuin loven
Viima vaihtui vieraaksi kautta avaamasi ulko-oven

Ad Nihilo

So somebody happened to post on /r/nihilism with an idea for a competition of nihilism, with the best poem rewarded with nothing, naturally. Quickly scooped this up from old remains so I'll have to polish it a bit down stream, but I felt confident enough to post it there-in.

Ad Nihilo

A simple moment not so far away
On a seemingly ordinary Monday
Existence promptly ceased to exist
Concept too desensitized to persist

I perceived my self mere electric
Synapses emergent as ego-centric
Wirings not built to last a forever
But to fulfill some temporary fever

History's greatest moments of glory
Deepest pits of whatever is unholy
Melded into an ill-defined convergence
Mundane goals inane just as brilliance

Whenever infinity ends I'll be present
As particles I shall vanish that advent
Quantum memories floating in a void
Lingering residues of us all, destroyed

Father's Ashen Letter

Father's Ashen Letter

Died a stillborn past long ago
This spirit of self lingers on
Unable to let grasp of life go
For their tiny steps I fathom

Paper pieces of life around
Words written all scattered
Of love and of care abound
Songs for a world unbattered

These things unable to express
Mornings that do not dawn a sun
Man ought to emotions suppress
Living inside the barrel of a gun

Pushed aside by the long road
Drowned under the anxious yoke
Unshaven worn out face an ode
Ashes under childhood home oak

Words scribbled by a fireplace
Happier days, whispered the wind
Ink smokes as words set ablaze
For my dearest own kin and kind



(Happy birthday, whispers wind
My dear, dear own kin and kind)

Dance of Hannah

[A Modernization of / Tribute to Edwin Arlington Robinson's 'Richard Cory' (1897)]

Dance of Hannah

Hannah has an idealist's heart and she loves dancing
Thoughtful of how the wounded world is worth healing
Her father an honest worker albeit strict man at times
Her mother caring but worrying over her wildish swings
Tomorrow she'd start at a new job to stand on her own
Tender smile as her family left driving to town that dawn

A brief hand-written letter left on the kitchen table
Closed the porch door companied by a sturdy cable
A woodswoman she knew the knots and setting a rope
Volunteers combing the nearby woods scarce of hope
Hannah's face by the clearing an eerie bloating blue
By the time police called 'the worst had come true.'

-TDL '16

Sextennial (Self-)portraits

I was up for making some art yesterday. I've felt the need to open my insides and have been working on this (right-most) piece for quite some while. I didn't feel like I got it completely right on spot, but I'm still happy. It is influenced by Orwell and Huxley, and the dystopian feeling of "being a mechanical part of the machine". It's interesting to see a development in periods of 6 years (first one is me, though it "artistically" portraits only the view of whoever took the school shots back then). Others are solely made by me.

Sextennial (Self-)portraits, TDL 2016

Zoom in for a proper view.

In 1998, I spent most of my time in the internet, isolated to some degree.
In 2004, I felt I was destined to fail in finding my place within the reality.
In 2010, I was having memory problems and perplexing anxiety, fearing I was losing my mind.
In 2016, I am struggling with existential nihilism.

-TDL, Sep 2016

A Story of 30 Years, Seconds, and Minutes

A Story of 30 Years, Seconds, and Minutes

Takes roughly 30 years to grow a man well raised
Toughen the skin, a machine with feelings maimed

Depleted wanderlust justify him to say "seen it all"
Bright eyes tainted, stapled to some backstage wall

Hither arrive segments that loom on the leering path
Hazy thoughts set the stage, cliché nihilistic wrath

Toiling to fill the mind with some meaningful belief
Against dark clothed as light, which hints of relief



Life takes 30 seconds to kill such a plain man
Tie the knot, to fear much the inevitable pain

Already set the stool - the null of void lurking
Staring back at you, whispering the doubt within

Mood like some grinning jester of grim mockery
The guts, hah, got enough for the joust bloody?

Still cannot deny matters worth such mortal bother
Please sleep now then think it all over altogether



Sheets and blankets in bed end this tale, and sun of a waking morning
Little red riding hood traveled safely this haunted half-hour pathing
Though anxiety dwells not in that the wolf hunts for prey every night 
For it is deadly to cross paths even once, which eventually one might

(TDL; June 2016)

Pirun peili

Pirun peili

On sillä verestä mustat ikenet
Ja irvistyksessä madot hampaiden väleissä

Se muistuttaa minua kuolemasta
Siitä tulevasta väistämättömästä tuonelasta

On tummennetut pyöreät lasit
Ja se kuiskii minulle salaisuuksia minusta 

Hiuksina ahnas kytevä hiillos
ja huulina syyttävä käärmeen myrkky

Pyyhin sen peilin puhtaaksi
Vaan käsi tarttuu sen läpi ranteesta

En pääse siitä irti, en
Voimakkaammin riuhdon sitä kireämmäksi käy

Käsikarvojen tilalla sarvia,
Se kyntää ihoani kuin harava kohmeista peltoa

Pienet juuret kuin suonet
Kasvaa pitkin käsivartta kohti sydäntä

Ne pistelee sinne neuloilla 
Pieniä tihkuvia haavoja jotka ei näy

Katsetta ei kärsi kääntää pois
Se vangitsee kun itseään kerran katsoo

Apua?

(TDL; May 2016)

Haaska

Haaska

Ahnaasti nälästä nokkani repi lihaa
käteni veristä epidermistä riivaa
nokkii mahani paisuneen aukoille
valuttaa ihrani maahan madoille

Minne mieleni haihtuikaan kedoille
lensin rikkona kuolleelle omenapuulle
harmaan koukeroiselle kalman kädelle
katselemaan ruhoa maan mättäälle

Se olin minä piikki lihan nuolesta
mutten jaksanut itseäni nielaista
voi kun kylläiseksi itsestäni saisin
vaan ratkeaisi vatsani jos lisäisin

Haaska se oman iloni söi
minä pienen hyvänkin möin
sitä satunna kun löysin alta
täältä Pohjantähden varrelta

(TDL; May 2016)